Spend few days to chase my tears to find my love in the Valentine ’s Day just to see her maybe for last time. I made trouble for Q my travel was unexpected for her maybe she still doesn’t know how much I love her but she cares she comes to visit me and she even argued with her boss and made trouble for her boyfriend just to come and visit me. I was outside all of the day just to in case if she becomes free of work sooner might have a chance to meet her more. I got her a chocolate and red rose to celebrate our deep relation. Finally she came, look restless and tired, quiet stressful maybe because of her bf or because of seeing me I read many things from her eyes. She was trying to control herself smiling for me and make distracted and I as usually just looking at her just like a moth looking for light, flight into it until the light burn its wings. I been excepting her coddle for a long time and wishing this time I could freely cry on her shoulder until I feel better but it’s not happened. I wish I could control myself to not say something that make her sad but I couldn’t stop myself my heart were speaking to her and my eyes crying and my hands shaking. She penitently watching me but after while after she heard my heart voice felt uncomfortable its like she got a prisoner inside and prisoner notice that her love is here wants to break the chain and coming out but jailor won’t let her to comes out. Sorry Q I know its such a suffer for you……………..
She asked me to not come and visit her time to time or just visit her after ten years such a nonsense request does she really think me and her are TV drama?! Or she wants to make her prisoner disappointed? Still looking at her and talking told her I care a lot for I care so much for you and if any time she needs any help I would come and find her do my best to help her. And she said she purposely ignoring me to forget her and move on, she doesn’t know that ignoring me make me more insist make because am stubborn even more than her.
Time passing fast but this time was cold and unpleasant her tired face torturing me I can’t see her restless like asked her if she want to go back sooner but she stayed said had more time. She wanted to know if I have new relationship?! Did she really mean it? Such a lame question I thought maybe she feel guilty about me because I love her and if I have new relation I could forget her better but she doesn’t know that she irreplaceable nobody can make me happy as much as she use to do.
I wish I could put my head in her shoulders and smell her hairs and kiss her neck and give her all I have. Its so true if I leave at street and have nothing in the world but just her I would fill am the richest guy in the world when I say that I really mean it.
Times for another good bye but this time may take very long but I didn’t feel that even though I may not see her for a long time after this. I gave her the flower cut head of the rose and give it to her maybe she can dry it or maybe its already in garbage bin. She left me with no hug to keep my visit as cold as possible am more sad for her prisoner I love you my little Q sorry that am not strong to take you out but know that I am loving you and I know you do for me please stay live and happy maybe there would be a day for us.
I should get ready for going to air port love you so much it was the lasting she heard from me……dostet daram
Hi Pouya,
ReplyDeleteDid you get back from Dubai?
I was thinking a lot about what you said the other night. Im so thankful that you have been there, loving and caring for me. But the fact is what is happening, we cant be a couple or become something more than that. I decided and I did not regret. And if you accept that, and as you said you respect my decision, please be a true friend of mine. It may sound foolish but I just want to let you know that I dont want to and I lose a friend like you. Even what happened and what I will suffer in the future, I want to keep you as my friend.
I talked to my bf and he does not accept that. He said you cant be a true friend of mine. But I dont think so. Let's see how it's gonna go because I trust in you and I know you can be my best friend as you used to be.
By the way, a true friend does not lie to each other. I changed my mind 1 month ago, I'll stay here till September in which I'll visit my family then Im gonna decide what I should do next. Now Im just enjoying unpressured time, the beach, shopping and some do-nothing days along with part-time jobs over here for a half of year before putting myself in some serious things ahead.
Take care and good luck to you.
Quynh.
Hi Quynh,
ReplyDeleteSorry for my late answer i read your letter right after you post it but i was extremely busy struggling with my job and work responsibility. Already get back from travel its wasn't so good unfortunately the position that i applied for was already taken but they offered me another position with lower payment which wasn't much interesting. Result of my travel is being extremely tired, suffering from jet lag and overloading by job, quiet stressful hopefully i can sort out everything. thanks for your comment i didn't know that you're still reading my blog! Quynh knowing you was my destiny, love and care that i have for you is part of my entity.i want you to know that i always are your true friend no matter how our life separating us, how treating me and what would be happen in future, please don't worry you never lose me i promise you, even if one day you don't want to be my friend i still stay your friend forever. I understand being in touch with me could make your bf worried or make him feel not comfortable i would try to not hurt him. knowing that you are not leaving made me happy brings me a hope that i can visit you again but this time i would tell you before. anyway tomorrow is the day that we meet each other for first time :) you, hong anh and viet are coming to murphys viet moving luggage upstairs and you introduce your self, and viet couldn't speak english it was sweet moments. i wish i could back to last year this moment . anyway have look on attached picture one of my friend bought Vietnamese bread and he used it as regular bread but i think its not bread it must be rice paper for spring roll i am not sure what to cook with it so please have look and tell me what it can use for. please dont take hard at your self by working too much take care and sleep and eat enough.
Miss you,
pouya